Some dear friends of ours had a baby a few days ago... A beautiful baby girl.. I'm so happy for them. I believe they've been longing for this for a while...
It stirred up some feelings in me. I never anticipated this reaction..It wasn't there at first.. And I didn't see it coming. It lurked up on me like a snake and stroke at a weak moment...
All these things a baby represent; the family, the hopes and dreams of the future, the unconditional and overwhelming love... All these things we no longer have.. And I miss him so much.. The emptiness he left behind feels impossible to fill. And it is so hard to handle... And I cry. I cry for the broken hopes and dreams. I cry for all the things we never got to do... He never got to play with our neighbours kids, run barefoot on the lawn, pick strawberries in the garden... We never got to hear him call out for mummy and daddy and Jim, we never got to see him take his first independent steps... And I've been back in the last day of his life.. Feeling the pain and the suffering over again. Regretting things, wishing I could to do it differently... It feels like the puzzle is broken.. All the bits and pieces I've been struggling so hard to put in place is now laying about... I'll have to do it over again... And I don't feel like doing it... I just want to hide.. Maybe it will all go away...
4 kommentarer:
stakkars søs, kan ikke gjøre annet enn å sende deg en stoor trøsteklem
Livet er så urettferdig enkelte ganger
Klem Bente
Heia sis, det e vel snakk om dette med to skritt fram og en tilbake og så føles det som man renne hele bakken ned av og til. Det her tar tid og det e tungt å håndtere når det slår ned som verst, men det e nok bare noe man må gå gjennom.
Masse godklem fra lillebror og Jim.
Kjære deg. Alle de knuste drømmene, alle de vanskelige minnene, savnet... Tankene mine går til deg i dag, med min dypeste medfølelse, og mine varmeste klemmer....
Hei, søs. Du må regne med å oppleve mange slag, men du e så flink til å sette ord på følelsan dine, at du vil klare dæ. Det e så viktig å få det ut. Skrik i lag med dæ...... Klem fra storesøs.
PS: godt du har fullt opp med jobb. Bare det ikke blir for mye.
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