I should be feeling better

I thought... as time went by, I would be feeling a little better. That the pain would ease slowly as the days passed... But it is exactly the opposite. Yes I know, it's still early. But it feels like a lifetime... One day is like a hundred days, and one hour like a day... I've been trying to hold it off during the day.. Not touching it...Trying the best I can... And when I'm alone - That's when I allow myself to break down... But the pain.. The physical pain.. It is more intense now... It is replacing the emptiness and the fatigue... And it is worse... And I know it has not yet reached the peak..I am so tired of these feelings. So tired. I feel like I'm a liability and a burden to my surroundings.. And I know this is what it's going to be like for a long long time. The loneliness I'm feeling in addition to the pain. And the constant longing... This is not my life.. This is not me.. And yet it is.. This is my life. This is me. Now and forever...